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The testimony of Jonathan Koh
John 若不是差我來的父吸引人，就沒有能到我這裡來的；到我這裡來的，在末日我要叫他復活 Good
News Bible Life was good to me back in the
90s.There were no MP3s and song swapping. And even though music piracy
existed, musicians like us still managed to make a living. I was at the peak
of my career as an unschooled musician. By then I was not only a highly
sought after studio guitar secessionist but I was also a well known
songwriter/arranger and producer. From the outside looking in, it would seem
that my life was a rosy one. But my personal life was in shambles because of
the insecurities that had accumulated through the years as a struggling
musician. Back then, I had a nasty
2-packs-a-day smoking habit which was doing no good to my 2 daughters aged 6
and 3, who were asking me to quit smoking every now and then. Then it
happened. Things got really quiet at the end of 97. My guitar session calls
got fewer and fewer, work came to a sudden halt. It was just one of those
lull periods that was expected in our line of work between the months of Jan
and May. But this “lull” period became a long and tedious one. It
lasted for 9months. Looking at my family one day, I had a sudden realization
that if there were no income, how was I going to feed them? And even though I
stay in a small 3 three room flat and drove a 2nd hand car, the
family was still spending a substantial amount of money every month. I guess
my avid collection of guitars didn’t help my finances either. Panic
struck me then, even though I never quite knew it. I was in a state of
denial. I started having difficulties
breathing and was waking up regularly in the middle of the night. I was
actually having anxiety attacks without really knowing it. When I spoke about
my symptoms to my good friend Martin one day, I found out that it was anxiety
attacks that I was having. Being conscious of the fact that I
was having anxieties, I decided to take it real easy. I smoked more, started
spending more time with the computer and going online more. It started simply
enough. First the porn sites, then the chat rooms and finally cyber sex. Of
course, it didn’t involved sex websites all the time, I surf for other
sites at times [sites that are weird and really way out]. Looking back, I was
in a pit of blackness and I didn’t know any better. I did not spend too
much time with the wife and kids. I would wake up in the afternoon around My dear wife Dora kept mostly to
herself in those days. She would busy herself looking after the kids and the
house. She knew the stress I was going through and she was just waiting to
see me get back up again like I would always do. But in the meantime, I got
worse. I was not eating much, was sleeping less and was getting agitated at
little things all the time and I was filled with anger and frustrations. The
worse thing is that I was getting a bit rough when I disciplined the children.
Until one night, the camel broke its back. I found Dora sitting strangely
still and quiet on the kitchen’s floor. When I asked her
“What’s wrong?” she completely broke down and cried. She
wailed that she can’t take it anymore and that she would like to move
out. I stood there in the kitchen, stunned. What could I say? What could I
do? My marriage was breaking down in front of my eyes. Dora and I met when I was 25 and
she was just 20. Her family wasn’t too happy that she was going out
with a musician. There were even speculations that I had tattoos on the back
of my torso and that I was involved with the underworld. [By the way,
I’m Tattoo and underworld free.] It was really a miracle that her
parents consented when I asked for her hand in marriage. I thank God that I
have a wife like Dora and I am still glad that she is the mother of my sweet
children. We have told each other that we will not hurt each other and that
we will stand by each other no matter how bad things
get………… Looking at her, sobbing on the
kitchen floor that night, anger stirred up in me. I was angry with myself,
how can I hurt this person whom I have promised that I would never hurt? I
got down to her and hugged her, promising her that I will change and things
will be back to normal. She told me the condition I was in. I was pale,
skinny, smoking 3 packs a day and always fidgety. I was paranoid, hateful and
unforgiving. The fact was that I was
in a state of depression and I was ugly. That night, I decided to try on my
own strength and promised to go back to a “normal” life that
would please my wife and children. But sadly, after one week, I was back
again to my old habits. Dora would remind me gently now and then and I would
make a half hearted effort to change but it didn’t really work. I was
in a deep pit and was finding no way out of it. Have you ever imagined
yourself seeing an on coming car and knowing that you are going to be hit? An
unavoidable accident? It was just like that. I could see my marriage going
down the drain if nothing was to be done. And from where I stood, I saw no
breakthrough. One night, my good friend Martin
called me around ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Let me tell you briefly about my
dear friend Martin. We first knew each other when we were in the army. The
first time, we were in an anti drug song competition. He really impressed me
with his musical abilities, well….in short I found this fellow rather
interesting. The 2nd time we met, I
was attending a company dinner in the combat engineers camp I was in. He was
in the music and drama company by then even though I didn’t know about
it. Somewhere in the middle of the dinner show, I saw this familiar male
dancer lifting an attractive female dancer in one dance routine. [Back then
all females looked attractive when you are in the army] I was thinking to myself
“wouldn’t it be great to lift women as compared to lifting
bridging parts every day?” I was to perform a song night. As I went
backstage to get ready, lo and behold! I finally realized that that lucky guy
was Martin himself! The 3rd time I met
Martin was at a club where my rock band was performing. He and his group
Culture Shock [which included his wife Patricia] performed with us side by
side for 3 months. We really got to know each other a bit better even though
he was a very reserved person. Through the next few years, we got
to know each other even more when we worked together in the recording
studios. There would be times when I got to engineer or play guitar for him
but we seldom hung out together except for the late suppers after work.
Around that time, he was starting to act really weird and funny-like. He
would start to talk about the salvation that Christ has given to each of us.
I knew that something changed in him but I couldn’t place my finger on
what it was. But I saw in him a man who believes and loves Jesus. Half the
time, I would sit and listen to what he has to say out of courtesy. But as
times goes by, I was putting forth questions to him and his answers started
to make sense to me. I always thought that I had a fair knowledge of the
church and God because of the fact that I attended catholic schools [I was
not a catholic but a free thinker then].The things that this man spoke made
me think more and more about God and His plans for me. It was at these
crucial times that the seeds were being planted. On the night when Martin called, I
was actually preparing to log on to a game network to play some games over
the internet. To me, the call came as a surprise as the voice on the other
end sounded sullen and still. After the usual questions like “how’s
things?’ he said to me “God told me to tell you something”.
My cynical mind asked him “how did He do that? He faxed? Sent an email?
What?” Martin replied that he heard God speaking to him while he was
reading the bible. My mind was churning with questions like “Is this
guy nuts? No wonder he looked and acted so different! He has gone
bonkers!” But out of courtesy, I decided to hear him out. Martin told
me that God has seen the sorry state that I was in and that He will lift me
out of the gloom. I remember that Martin was really gentle that night. He
told me to just believe what God has promised. What did I have to lose? In
the course of the conversation, he convinced me to join his cell or house
group. We prayed a simple prayer that
night, me and Martin, on the phone. For me, it was the first time that anyone
had prayed over me and it felt good and strangely comforting. I got off the
phone and excitedly told Dora what Martin has said and proposed. She
encouraged me to go to the cell group meeting saying that I need to get out
of my room and the house anyway. I asked her to join me, but she declined,
saying that I should see how it goes first. As I prepared myself on Friday
night to go to Martin’s cell group meeting, my mind went back to the
telephone conversation that me and Martin had. I used to have hang-ups about
churches and Christians. I was convinced that churches were built by men to
only benefit men and that all Christians were square and nerdy with nice
shirts and hair parted neatly to the sides. So I told Martin that I would go
on the condition that I would bring my guitar along with me. Reasons being that
When I arrived, my first thoughts
were…I was right! They all do have their hair neatly parted to one side
except maybe Martin who had really short hair! But they looked nice and
decent enough so I decided to just sit in. The group was nice. They were
patient and took their time with me and I really thank God for that. We
started breaking out song sheets and then they started to sing. Most of the
songs were alien to me but I was able to play along with my guitar. My
initial thoughts were……nice melodies!.......wow! lyrics that
rhymes! And then as I stared to try singing along, I found the words
comforting to me. I was totally caught up in the worship of our Lord God.
Then a strange thing happened. I started to perspire and a strange warmness
manifested from within my abdomen. The warm feeling continued to spread until
it was all over my body. By then I was perspiring profusely and yet I was
feeling a whole lot better than I was feeling before I came. The main thing I
remembered about that night was driving home and having the distinct feeling
of lightness. I felt as if I left all my worldly worries and troubles in
Martin’s house. I was feeling elated! When I reached home, I told Dora
excitedly about the things that God has done to me. She was thrilled and
decided to join me for the next cell group meeting. Not long after that, I began to
get more and more work. I was asked to join a concert tour with Zhang Huei
Mei. Things were beginning to look good again. I was called to write for
various artistes and some of the songs were major hits. I was asked to do
more and more arrangements then before and I was glad to be back again career
wise. Of course my first reaction was to thank God for all His providence.
Dora and I spent our time in Martin’s cell group and on ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` It was around this time as well
that some thing drastic happened that would shake my world as I knew it. By
then, it was 2001. We had a new baby son called Luke. We believe that he is a
precious gift from God. A year after his birth, Dora began to show signs
of depression. From there, it went
downhill pretty fast. She would faint when she was in the toilet. Paramedics
would be called but they would find nothing wrong with her. She would wake up
each morning and tell me that she was going to die. She would remind me now
and then where she had kept the children’s passports and important
documents as if she was going to leave us at any moment. We would see doctors
and they would recommend psychiatrists. The pills that were prescribed made
her feel even worse. I began to have fearful thoughts that Dora would stab me
with a kitchen knife in my back when I worked at night at home. As I looked
upon this woman that I love, I would cry out to God, I would call up Martin
and he and Pat would come and pray for Dora. The cell group would pray for
Dora. Even my pastor was praying for Dora. But nothing worked. I was
beginning to believe that God had deserted us. Until one day, God sent someone to
clean us up. This person, whom I believe was sent by God to initiate a change
in some of us in our church, started a deliverance ministry in our church. It
was here that I met our future teacher. We shall call him Dr Tan. And the
events that followed would totally blow my mind away. My wife Dora comes from a
traditional Buddhist/Taoist family. To sum it up, her father has 2 huge
altars that had all sorts of Idols and gods. In her younger days, Dora would
be troubled by apparitions and noises that would frighten her greatly. She
was even believed to have the third eye which of course we have now rejected
it in the mighty name of Jesus. We know now that whatever Dora was facing was
just manifestations of demons that has troubling her since her younger days. One night, in a prayer meeting in church,
the demons manifested within Dora. She became someone that I did not know at
all. She was jumping around and was screaming at the top of her voice when
she was pinned down and prayed over. Her eyes were not her own, she was
glaring at all of us and she was shouting at us, trying to stop us singing
out songs glorifying God. This is the woman that I had known for over 16
years, the mother of my 3 children and the love of my life. Through the grace and mercy of our
Lord Jesus, through the use of His servants like Dr Tan and others, one by
one of the demons were cast out. Some without so much as a whimper and some
with much resistance. Some of the demons/spirits that were being cast out
included. The budda spirit The kuan yin spirit The na cha spirit The dalai lama spirit The monkey god The black and white demons The witchcraft spirit The spirit of death The spirit of fear After the whole episode, she was
drained physically. But she was feeling good as she could feel that she was
being set free or rather delivered. The bible says that Phi 2:9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him,
and given him a name which is above every name: Phi ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` We praise Jesus every day for what
He has done for us that night. In the days to followed. Both I and Dora underwent
deliverance sessions once a week for a total of 5 weeks. In the course of it
all, I was delivered out of my anger, lust and even my smoking. I have been
smoking since the age of 18. By the time of the deliverances, I was 40 and
was smoking an average of 50 sticks per day. I still remember the dread that
I was feeling on the morning of the day of appointment. I was imagining how
bad it would really get. I foresaw a huge dirty smoky demon manifesting right
in front of my eyes, putting up the fight of his life [Yes! I know….too
much imagination on my part]. I still remember puffing my last stick before
going in to the church wondering if God will indeed be my deliverer that day.
But our God is indeed an awesome and mighty God. That smoky demon did not
even whimper. It just left quickly and quietly. When I left the church that
day, I left it a nicotine free man in the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ! All
the withdrawal symptoms that friends told me about……the
cravings….it didn’t happen at all. All I had were some nightmares
now and then of me picking up a cigarette and lighting it. But the nightmares
soon stop after a while. It has been 3 years since I last smoked my last
cigarette. I praise God! To say that this was the end of
what God had done for me and my family will be too far from the truth. After
this life changing episode, God started to do more work in me. Prompting me
and Martin to attend bible school and to learn more about Him was a great
thing that happened to me. He is still teaching me to die to myself each
day. During most of my working career,
I was given the good things in life. I was much sought after, I was earning
lots of money and I was getting cocky. But yet I still think that there was
more to life than this. One day, I heard Him tell me that you want work, you
want fame and recognition, but do you really really need all this? And then
slowly, my work started to take the form of what happened in 97. It dwindles
to a screeching halt. But unlike in 97, I did not panic. I had learnt to
trust God. And I could see that He was slowly teaching me to rely on Him and
Him alone. The bible says Zec 4:6 Then he answered and spake unto me, saying,
This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might,
nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. I can see Him gently prompting me
towards ministry work and I am glad to be able to partake in some of it.
These days, I thank God that I am able to see the wondrous works that He has
done not only in my life but in the roads that I have walked. After the
deliverances, my wife Dora is now walking closely with God. She now spends
her time praying and reading His words. She is also giving me much spiritual
support. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I pray that even as you read these
words, that you would know that it is written in truth. The many miracles
that I have seen in my walk with Him thus far would be impossible to hold in
this testimony. There are times when I let Him down due to my disobedience
and my weak carnal flesh and thoughts. But I truly believe that He did not do
all these wondrous things that He had done just to give me up. We will fall
but we must Learn to get up. Rick Warren in his book “The
Purpose Driven Life wrote”: “God doesn’t wait for you
to reach maturity before He starts liking you. He loves and enjoys you at
every stage of your spiritual development.” I believe that obedience is the
key to pleasing God. The
bible says 1Sa CEV I pray that you will know that God
will also do His work in you like what He did to me and my family. I truly
pray that if you are in any kind of bondage, God in His wondrous grace and
mercy will set you free. All you have to do is what my brother Martin told me
not too long ago, “Believe what God has promised. What have you got to
lose?” Heb 11:6 It's impossible to please God apart from
faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both
that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. THE MESSAGE May God bless and keep you well. I thank my brother Daniel for his
help with this testimony. The above testimony
as well as many others including Martin’s testimonies are available in
the book “The voices behind” Currently, the book
is available in the Chinese language. |
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